beans & rice

New Year

2012-01-02T07:41:00.004-05:00

The last few days I've been reflecting on what a crazy year 2011 was. It turned out to be one of the worst and best years of my life.

Here are some of the highs and lows (written while listening to "Happy New Year" by Camera Oscura):

* I won a $10,000 dollar award for my novel-in-stories. By far the biggest check and biggest honor I've ever received. I got to start working part-time instead of full-time, return to the Millay Colony, and join the Writers' Room of Boston. Dan predicted that 2011 would be "The Year of the Lisa."
* I turned 32.
* I decided to switch doctors and went through my third in vitro cycle at Brigham & Women's. It ended in miscarriage while I was at the Millay Colony. One of the lowest points in my life.
* After trying to start an infertility group at church, having no one express interest and feeling alone, I decided to join a weekly infertility group led by a therapist. One of the most important things I've done in my family-building struggle. I found myself in a room of smart, funny, compassionate women who understood exactly what I was going through. One of them is now my nurse and is expecting a baby. One of them just had twins. Another one is expecting twins exactly three days after me. I really don't think I would have been able to keep doing fertility treatments without them.
* As I was about to leave for the hospital for my fourth (and only frozen) in vitro cycle, the hospital called to say that the embryos didn't make it. I decided I couldn't put myself through this anymore, physically or emotionally, and decided to take a break from fertility treatments indefinitely.
* I had a story published here.
* For that one story published, I received at least 50 rejections. I stopped counting after awhile.
* After a break, I was finally ready to do my fifth cycle of in vitro. After four previous fails, I didn't feel very hopeful. I went through the motions anyway.
* My father was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
* I found out I was pregnant from IVF #5. It felt weird. I was excited, but extremely nervous about something going wrong.
* I found out I was expecting twins! Dan had a panic attack. I was elated. It started to seem more real.
* I started bleeding and worried that this, too, was going to end in failure.
* The bleeding stopped. I went on an epic vacation to Hawaii and Utah with Dan and realized that we will probably never be able to do that again (at least for a very long time).
* I found out we're having a boy and a girl!
* Dan and I agreed quickly on a boy name and have quibbled much over the girl's name. Who knew he would be so opinionated? We decided we will give the honor of naming the girl to whoever can come up with a large enough endowment.

I have two (not so small) hopes for 2012:
* Give birth - in whatever way that happens - to two healthy babies.
* Finish my book.

I also have many hopes for a lot of people I love - that things they have been wanting to happen, will happen and that the not-so-good things that have been happening will stop happening.

two dresses

2011-12-27T18:56:00.004-05:00

surprise!

2011-12-26T00:39:00.003-05:00

so, i decided to surprise dan on christmas morning by secretly finding out the sex of our other baby. how, you ask? by getting an ultrasound at the mall. i know. sounds sketchy, right? i was a little nervous about it, too. but when i found out that the person performing the ultrasound used to be an actual doctor and that he performed the first IVF in lithuania, i felt a tiny bit better about it.

i'm glad i did it. it was a good surprise for everyone. including me.

i'm trying to think of a clever way to tell you the results, but i'm tired and can't think of anything, so i will just get on with it.

we already knew that we were having one boy and were very excited.
now we know that we are also having a girl.

one boy and one girl. seems like an ideal combination to me. we couldn't be more pleased.

now, if we could only agree on names...

disobedient children

2011-12-08T18:17:00.003-05:00

So....after a very long ultrasound in which I had to get up to pee twice and both babies did not cooperate, we only know the sex of one baby. The other will remain unknown until (hopefully) December 29th (my 7th Danniversary!) when they try to do another ultrasound. Hopefully (s)he will uncross those legs.

One baby is a boy.

Both ultrasound techs said they think the other one might be a girl, but that they really can't tell for sure.

84% percent of you can't be wrong! Or can you?

The good news is that tomorrow we're off to Hawaii for some R&R and then to Utah for some Christmas festivities.

Mele Kalikimaka!

Poll

2011-12-05T19:56:00.004-05:00

I just added a poll so you can vote on whether you think we're having two boys, two girls, or one of each. Poll ends Thursday when the truth will be revealed...

Bunkmates

2011-11-08T08:43:00.009-05:00

Here are pictures, as promised. I just took pictures with the camera since our scanner doesn't work. Sorry for the sub par quality (the quality wasn't that great to begin with). The first photo is of the 3-day-old embryos. The next two photos are from my ultrasound yesterday (12 weeks, 5 days).

Ultrasound numero quatro

2011-11-07T13:46:00.003-05:00

Today I had my fourth ultrasound (one of the few perks of being an "infertile" is having a lot of ultrasounds from the very beginning). They did genetic testing. Everything looked good on the ultrasound. The twins looked like they were sleeping in bunk bed hammocks. One sac on top of the other. It was kind of adorable. I will post pictures if/when I set up our new printer/scanner. They were able to see the four chambers of their hearts, even though it's really early (the nurse said it's because I'm so thin which immediately made me love her). I saw their arms waving, their feet sticking up in the air, and their little brains. Dan gave me strict instructions because of several vague text messages sent in the past, to send him a text message giving him a report of what I saw and then the words, "this is good" or "this is bad." Last time I sent him a text saying I was anemic, he thought I was going to die and the time before that, when I compared the sound of the heartbeats on the doppler to "a hundred galloping horses," he thought something was terribly wrong.

So, "this is good."

Matt Paul's Pies

2011-11-04T10:13:00.002-04:00

My friend Matt has started a pie business in Boston called Pie Wise. He makes amazing things. If any of you have tried the sea salt brownies I sometimes make - Matt's recipe.

He is practically giving pies away right now ($10 each last time I checked, but I told him he should charge more).

http://areyoupiewise.tumblr.com/

You won't be disappointed!

12 weeks

2011-11-02T19:41:00.004-04:00

Things I'm looking forward to in the 2nd trimester:

1. Getting off Zofran (for constant nausea and vomiting) so I can get on iron supplements because, apparently, I'm anemic (the two don't go well together for gross reasons that I'm not going to describe here).
2. Finding out the sex(es?) of our babies in a few weeks.
3. Going to Hawaii and Utah.
4. More ultrasounds. I like ultrasounds. I've had three so far and another on Monday.
5. Feeling a little better and getting to the Writers' Room more often.
6. Getting out of the awkward stage where I might either look fat or pregnant.

Our Venn Diagram

2011-10-07T14:56:00.003-04:00

Glossary

2011-09-10T08:09:00.002-04:00

You can read a story of mine here if you want I guess if you don't have anything better to do or anything like yeah.

Irene

2011-08-26T09:15:00.003-04:00

Hey ya'll.

I had my egg retrieval yesterday. Surprise! Everything went well. They got 19 eggs. I've been in pain, but have been taking painkillers and chugging Gatorade and watching truly awful movies that Dan rented from the Redbox.

Now I'm just worried about this hurricane that is supposed to hit around the same time of my embryo transfer. If a baby comes out of this, maybe I will name her Irene. Or maybe not.

Anyway, that's what's happening in our neck of the woods.

Almost Famous!

2011-08-20T12:11:00.002-04:00

"I'm gonna step out of my comfort zone and get the Waikiki beach burger." Daniel Hadley (skip ahead to 3:00)

the process

2011-08-06T14:49:00.002-04:00

Today I'm going to describe the IVF process to you. The clinical process. People always ask me how involved IVF is, whether it hurts, and what the time line is like. So, I'm going to lay it out for you.

Spoiler alert/warning: If you don't like talk of periods, shots, general anesthesia, catheters, or a room full of people looking at you naked, this post is not for you.

Also, the following time line always changes. You don't really know when to do what until the day of. This is just my best guess according to past cycles. Also, this is a best case scenario. Since there are so many steps to this process, things can go wrong (and often do) at any point. There are no guarantees that you will make it through any or all of these steps.

Day 1: Period starts.
Day 2: Start birth control (counter-intuitive, I know) - this does something like set your body at "zero" so all your hormones are at baseline when you begin treatment.
Days 3-8: Continue birth control pills.
Day 9: Stop pills.
Day 13: Go into the hospital in the AM for a baseline ultrasound. The baseline ultrasound is an external and an internal ultrasound to make sure everything is normal before getting started (no cysts, etc.). If you've had a baby, you know what an external ultrasound is. With a little imagination, you can probably guess what an internal ultrasound is. It involves a wand. If everything looks normal, the shots begin that evening.
Days 14-17: Shots in the stomach or thighs in the AM & PM. I will not go into too much detail about the shots because it's complicated - only to say that I use a few different medications that stimulate the ovaries to release healthy eggs.
Day 18: Internal ultrasound & blood test. Continue shots in AM & PM. Nurse calls in PM with instructions for what to do next (adjust meds, when to come in again, etc.). Usually she says to come in on Day 20 for another blood test & internal ultrasound.
Day 19: Shots in AM & PM.
Day 20: Internal ultrasound & blood test in AM at hospital. Nurse calls in PM with instructions.
Day 21: Continue giving 3 shots in AM & PM.
Day 22: Internal ultrasound & blood test in AM at hospital. Continue shots in AM & PM. At some point, maybe day 22, maybe later - but let's just say Day 22 - nurse will say to stop meds and will give you a specific time to take a "trigger shot." The trigger shot is taken exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval is scheduled. It "triggers" ovulation. Eggs must be retrieved right before ovulation. The timing is exact. If they tell you to give yourself the trigger shot at 9:06 PM, your retrieval will be scheduled for exactly 9:06 AM two days later.
Day 23: Do nothing.
Day 24: Retrieval day. Arrive at hospital one hour before procedure. Retrieval takes place with legs in stirrups, under general anesthesia. Sperm is collected simultaneously. Eggs are aspirated with a hollow needle placed in ovaries. Wake up. They tell you how many eggs they retrieved. Go home a couple of hours later. Pain ranges from moderate to extreme. This is the most painful part of the process.
Day 25: Embryologist calls with fertilization report - they tell you how many of the eggs were mature and how many were fertilized. Begin progesterone-in-oil injections in buttocks. These shots go into the muscle and kind of hurt. Continue these injections for two weeks until pregnancy test.
Day 26: Embryologist calls again to tell you the status of embryos - how many cells they have so far. Ideally, by this day, they should have two cells (each cell should double every 24 hours).
Day 27: Hospital calls in AM to tell you what time to come in for transfer of embryos. The hospital gives you a report card for the embryos. It's a somewhat complicated rating system, but every embryo is given a grade. They select the best one(s) for transfer. Transfer occurs, with legs in stirrups above your shoulders, usually with a room full of med students watching on. A tiny catheter is inserted into the vagina and guided to the uterus. The embryos are brought in and squirted into the catheter. They are too small to see, so they put a little air bubble on each side of them so they will know when they come out and where they are positioned. Go home. Wait.
Days 28-40: Wait. Do nothing but daily progesterone injections.
Day 41: Go into hospital for blood pregnancy test.

I'm completely exhausted typing this all out and I can only imagine that you're completely exhausted reading it. And I'm only on Day 6...

what writers eat

2011-08-05T08:25:00.007-04:00

I loved this post in the NY Times. I'm always interested in what people eat - I think it says a lot about a person - whether they're gluttons or dieters, drinkers or eaters, mundane or bizarre. I remember watching an episode of Oprah when I was in high school. Madonna was on and Oprah asked her what she had for breakfast that morning. I still remember what Madonna said: half a bagel, toasted, with butter - real butter.

So, imagine my delight when seeing these:

As I write this, I'm drinking a pot of mate and I'm about to eat some triple berry bran muffins I made yesterday.

acupuncture

2011-07-28T10:34:00.005-04:00

I started going to an acupuncturist last week. Today was my third visit. I've been thinking about going for a long time because some studies have found a link between IVF success and acupuncture, but it always just seemed like one more thing to do when I already have to do so much already and a whole lot more needles than I already have to endure. Did I ever tell you that before IVF I was terrified of needles? I seriously would have rather been punched in the face or had a tooth pulled than have my blood drawn. I almost fainted several times in the beginning. I still dislike needles. I'll probably never learn to like them (does anyone?), but I've learned to tolerate them. Anyway, since I started going to my infertility support group (probably the best thing I've done in this whole process), I found that many of the other women in the group do acupuncture. They said it was relaxing. I never thought needles and relaxing could go in the same sentence together. I have no idea whether acupuncture "works." I don't know whether it will increase my chances of having a baby. But I don't know that it won't either. Maybe it's the placebo effect, but I don't really care. I'm willing to try it. I'm willing to try just about anything at this point. And it is pretty relaxing. The needles are small. Once they're in, I can't really feel them. I've even fallen asleep a couple of times.

I go to a place called Acupuncture Together that practices community acupuncture. They treat a bunch of people at the same time in the same room. Apparently, this is how they typically do acupuncture in China. It ends up being a whole lot cheaper this way ($20 instead of $100). They usually put one needle in my forehead, a couple on the ridges of my ears, a few on my hands, wrists and arms, and a few more in my feet, ankles and legs. I just roll up my pant legs and lay back in the recliner. I'll let you know whether I notice any changes.

So that's that.

IOU

2011-06-14T09:05:00.001-04:00

Progress

2011-05-26T15:30:00.003-04:00

Just wanted you all to know that Pumpkin just weighed in at 14.1 lbs. That's a .7 lb. weight loss, folks! He's already acting much more confident. Besides a depressing setback this week (the bit about Garfield really got him down), he's ready to move on. I think this calls for a stick of Extra sugar-free gum and some Brita water. Or maybe we could watch Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.

To Clarify

2011-04-28T08:17:00.003-04:00

Since a few of you have asked and I was very vague in my last post...

No more shots for awhile. On Monday I was supposed to have a frozen embryo transfer, but the embryologist called that morning to say that neither of the embryos survived the thawing process. I didn't anticipate this since they told me that they have a 70% success rate for thawing embryos. I guess I figured at least one would make it. Nope.

So, we're back to square one. I plan on taking a much needed break for (at least) the summer. Drinking this, riding this, and planning our dream vacation to one of my favorite cities in the world.

Things I'm Liking This Week

2011-04-26T08:19:00.002-04:00

This plaid platter and matching set of salad servers from Darlybird. Everything is 25% off for the next three days with the code COMEWHATMAY. I may or may not have ordered both on a whim this morning.

This documentary, Waste Land, was the best movie I've seen in a long time. If you like Brazil, art, or the earth, I'm pretty sure you'll love this movie. It maybe starts off a little slow, but it is a beautiful film.

This Burdick's bunny which Dan gave me for Easter. Could the polka dot scarf be any cuter? He also has a little cotton (white chocolate) tail. Good work, Dan. It's so cute I almost don't want to eat it. Except it's Burdick's and the best tasting chocolate ever.

It's bittersweet, but no more of these in my bum. And yes, the needle is literally that long.

Pampers

2011-04-16T11:31:00.002-04:00

I have a general dislike for commercials. But I especially dislike commercials about babies. I swear every time I work out the gym and turn on my elliptical's TV (did you know that a membership to Planet Fitness is cheaper than a basic cable subscription?), there is a commercial for pregnancy tests, diapers or baby food. These commercials usually show a typical white family having a typical white baby in a typical American household.

So imagine my surprise when I watched this commercial for Pampers and actually loved it. Good job, Pampers marketing people, for realizing that we do not fit in a box and there are as many paths to parenthood as there are parents. Too bad it's only airing in Canada.

The Biggest Loser, Cat Edition

2011-03-31T15:46:00.005-04:00

Name: Pumpkin Hadley
Starting Weight: 14.8 lbs.
Goal Weight: 12.0

Pumpkin's Story:

Pumpkin was always an active cat. He used to love chasing and catching mice, taking walks around the block with Dan and visiting friends in his Utah neighborhood. That all changed five years ago when someone shot him in the eye with a BB gun. Just as he finally recovered from this horrible hate crime, his owners forced him to move across the country to Somerville, Massachusetts. He traded his lofty 3-story house for a 400-square-foot studio. Since then, he has stopped exercising and has enjoyed an all-you-can-eat buffet of tuna and dry food. Now, he's ready to reclaim his life!

The Weight Loss Plan:

Pumpkin plans on losing the weight by eating 1/3 cup of food a day. He might be surprised one of these days to find that his regular food has been replaced by maintenance cat weight-control food. In addition, he will be drinking often from his Brita water pitcher and eating at Subway. Pumpkin will be weighing in once a week and hopes to use his new found knowledge about healthy eating to motivate his parents.

Infertile Landscapes

2011-03-14T16:00:00.010-04:00

The first photograph is from an installation called "BARREN: life on infertile soil" by Monica Weisblott. The photograph is called "Basketful."

I like to find art inspired by infertility. I've found myself writing a lot about it lately, especially in the wake of our most recent loss. I was at the Millay Colony when it happened and I was grateful to be able to lose myself in my art for a few days, all alone in the barn Edna built with her husband (also photographed here).

Infertility is so rarely talked about or represented in art. There is so much silence surrounding it. I understand why. I sometimes hesitate to write about it because it's so personal and difficult and because I don't want people to feel sorry for me or become too invested in an often heartbreaking journey. But I'm grateful for brave people like Ms. Weisblott who do break the silence.

i love jamie oliver

2011-03-01T06:33:00.001-05:00

I won, part two!

2011-02-22T07:47:00.004-05:00

I just found out that I won this adorable dress via Shabby Apple via my dear friend Aimee. I think it will look great with my blonde hair and blue eyes, if I don't say so myself.

Dan has already labeled this year "The Year of the Lisa." So far, it's turning out that way. I hope my luck continues as I wait for the results of IVF #3. The embryos looked stellar this time and there were even two to freeze.

And speaking of Dan, he just put together this amazing skate part. I did most of the filming - which meant that Dandle had to land his tricks pretty quickly because of my impatience. I can't stop watching it.

2011-02-16T11:27:00.002-05:00

I hate waking up from anesthesia and finding out they did things to me that i didn't sign up for. two words: ew and ouch.

I won!

2011-01-03T17:23:00.001-05:00

It's official!

resolute

2011-01-01T11:18:00.002-05:00

i decided to keep things simple and only make one resolution this year. actually, i have two resolutions, but i have no control over one of them so i'm leaving it in the hands of the almighty.

my one resolution: finish my novel. i have a plan. details forthcoming.

Dan-niversary, Part II

2010-12-29T06:07:00.002-05:00

Ten Things I Love About Dan(dle):

1. I love watching Dan skateboard. He does all these amazing tricks that look impossible and effortless at the same time.

2. He is so supportive of the things I care about: namely, writing. He reads articles about writing, lets me go away to colonies and conferences, tells me I'm amazing when I'm feeling less-than-so.

3. He's so easy going. I can be downright mean sometimes and he just brushes it off. He goes with the flow.

4. He doesn't need much. He's completely unattached to things (okay, maybe except for his skateboard and new launch ramp).

5. He's very quirky. 'Nough said.

6. He doesn't like chocolate much. I love this because it means more chocolate for me.

7. He does a lot of dishes. Even when I'm lazy and haven't done them in awhile.

8. He has an amazing family. I couldn't have handpicked a better one.

9. He loves Pumpkin. I always knew that I would need to find someone who loved my cat. Pet hair allergies were a deal breaker. He loves my cat.

10. He is a smarty pants. He makes me want to be smarter, want to be more curious about the world. He makes me think hard about hard things.

My Sixth Dan-niversary

2010-12-28T17:02:00.006-05:00

Tomorrow Dan and I will have been married for six years. They have been good years, not without heartbreak, but there has been much more heart than break.

I have been looking through our wedding photos today, and listening to Carla Morrison, and reading poems, and feeling a little nostalgic.

I just read this poem by Sharon Olds that reminded me of our rainy wedding day:

The Elopement

It was raining upwards, sideways, each
tree bursting with rain like brilliant
sweat. We stopped at a country store
to ask where we could get married. There were vats
of pickles, barrels of square yellow crackers,
the Prop. gave us the local J.P.'s
number. It was gently misting, in there,
brine and cracker-salt. The J.P. asked
if we'd get married in his church. While he called his minister
I wandered, in the dark, store
air, past the columns of vertebrate tin.
The shelves, and floor, and counters were old
wood, there must have been mice in the building,
rats, a cat, roaches, beetles,
and, in the barrel, whatever makes water
pickle, the mother of vinegar, it was
a spore of Eden, a bestiary,
the minister said Yes, come right on over,
but maybe we had been married, there,
by matter, by the pickles, by the crackers, by the balls
of guard-fur, the rats looking away
into the long reaches, like the cows
in the manger, by the creche, though there's always one
who widens her glowing eyes, and gazes--one
rat, transfixed by mortal coupling
grabbed the Dutch Girl cocoa tin in his
arms and spun her in a dervish mazurka,
then all the witnesses waltzed, the Campbell's-soup
twins, the Gerber baby, Aunt
Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Sun Maid
raisin girl, the oats Quaker,
the chef of Cream of Wheat, every
good, mild, family guest
danced at our marriage, cloudy ions in the
cucumber-barrel spiraled, our eggs and
sperm swam in tandem, in water-
ballet, the spores of the sky whirled and
kissed on our wedding day.

Decking the studio apartment with boughs of pine

2010-12-11T11:56:00.008-05:00

Today I turned on Bing Crosby's "How Lovely is Christmas" (a Van Orman family tradition) and wrapped presents while singing along to, "An axe, an apple and a buckskin jacket - that's all I want for me! An axe, an apple and a buckskin jacket, under the Christmas tree!" Then I put up some lights Dan found on the side of the road and hung some snowflakes I made the other day. Instead of a tree, we have a homemade wreath I made with fresh pine boughs on Wednesday at our church's annual wreathmaking event. Things are starting to look Christmas-y around here except there's no snow.

But doing all this has left me feeling a little melancholy today. I love Christmas with Dan and friends in Massachusetts, but my heart always longs to be in Utah. Maybe Danta will let us go home next year if we're really good.

Like

2010-11-22T14:45:00.005-05:00

Things I like about today:

1. Being off work.
2. Our new doctor. She was nice, thorough, and talks just like Karen Brennan, one of my favorite teachers from graduate school. I like that she gave us a list of things we have going for us. There has been so little good news in the last few years. I like good news.
3. A Walk to Beautiful. I watched it on Netflix Watch Instantly, but you can also watch the entire film here.

4. Lindt Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt.

What I've been thinking about lately.

2010-11-10T18:56:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking lately about adoption. I went to the Resolve Infertility and Adoption Conference on Saturday. It was, for the most part, really good. The only session that was not good was one called "Wellness During Infertility." It was taught by a crazy woman who basically talked about "The Secret" the whole time. She said that if we're out driving in the rain and imagine ourselves finding a great parking spot, it will happen. I asked her if she thought it was more important to be optimistic than realistic. She did not answer my question. One of the worst things you can tell an infertile person is, "You just need to think more positively and it will happen!" No amount of positive thinking is going to bring my fallopian tubes back or get me a parking space. (As a side note: I consider myself a pretty optimistic person. But I also know that there is a time for being realistic - a time for looking at hard facts and making decisions accordingly.)

Okay, anyway, I mostly went to the seminars on adoption and they were very good. I also just finished reading a book called "Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other," by Scott Simon from NPR. He and his wife adopted two daughters from China. It was a sometimes funny, sometimes cloyingly sentimental read. I'm making Dan read it.

Here are some things I've been thinking about:

1) Adoption, although difficult, makes me feel hopeful. Infertility is such a hopeless process. One of the hardest parts about it is that it causes you to grieve over and over again for years. There are many losses and many reminders every day of what you lack. There is no end in sight. Adoption can be rocky, but there is a baby at the end of the road if you stick with it.

2) Infertility is expensive, but adoption is more expensive. If insurance will cover the costs to deliver a baby, why won't it pay for the costs of adopting a baby (or toddler, or child)? The current cost of adoption - domestic or international - is $20,000-$50,000.

3) I want to adopt from Africa: The Congo or Ethiopia or Burundi. All of these countries are currently open for adoption.

4) An adoptive dad said this at the conference: "It's about having a family - not how you put it together."

Not going to Australia...but maybe somewhere else?

2010-10-13T20:30:00.002-04:00

If this title seems cryptic, see previous post here.

Yesterday we decided that if this IVF didn't work, we were going to plan the best adventure/vacation ever.

So, I've been consoling myself today by looking at airfares. And playing Wii with friends. And eating good food. And watching TLC's mini series Sister Wives and last night's episode of The Biggest Loser.

Columbus Day

2010-10-12T06:40:00.002-04:00

Going to Australia

2010-10-11T17:51:00.002-04:00

Came across this story today and liked it. It was published in a letter to Dear Abby in 1995.

DEAR ABBY: Enclosed is an article my daughter, Diane Armitage, wrote. Her message is directed to childless couples who are considering adoption. (Diane is the mother of two adopted children.)

Perhaps you will consider it worth publishing.

KATHRYN REINALDA, BLAIRSTOWN, N.J.

DEAR KATHRYN: I'm delighted to share what your daughter wrote, and I'm sure many readers will appreciate its insight.

Different Trips to the Same Place

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but antici pating a wonderful trip, you wait -- and wait -- and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By boat!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

pumpkin the perv

2010-09-02T20:01:00.008-04:00

pumpkin has this annoying habit of walking across my computer. he often opens windows that i don't even know how to open. once, if you'll remember, he even typed a message in hebrew.

so just now, as i was watching project runway, pumpkin walked across my computer and in the process opened up a porn site.

but that's not all! somehow in his jaunt across my keyboard he also set said site as my homepage.

it's not you, it's me

2010-09-02T16:48:00.002-04:00

in-vitro makes me sad, cranky, bloated and reclusive. fyi.

Millay Colony

2010-06-10T20:07:00.005-04:00

I've been trying to post some pictures of the millay colony for a few days now, but for some reason, it's not working (probably because we just got a new camera and the file size is too big and I'm too lazy to re-size anything). So, I gave up and decided instead to just put some photos on flickr.

Nothing too terribly interesting - just pretty mountains and flowers and stuff.

My time here so far (a week and two days) has been amazing. The people are really great; there are two poets, three visual artists, one musician and one fiction writer (me). I've particularly enjoyed talking to the poets, Lila and Judith.

I go on a run through the beautiful countryside most mornings, eat breakfast and then head to my studio to work. At night we all meet together for a delicious dinner, prepared for us by Donna, our chef. We mostly talk about art, but Judith and I also talk a lot about our cats (her cat really CAN eat a whole watermelon). Tonight we talked about murder and death and the smell of bodies decomposing. You know, light dinner conversation.

so proud

2010-04-26T09:57:00.002-04:00

today i sent dan off to his first day of work. i wish i had taken a picture. maybe i'll take one when he gets home and has that wizened, working-man look.

i must say, he looked very snazzy in his borrowed suit and cuff links. we'll have to get him one of his own sometime soon.

i'm so happy he found a job that is a fifteen minute walk from our apartment. it's weird to have both of us earning money now instead of borrowing it. it feels good.

i'm loving this show

2010-04-10T08:59:00.004-04:00

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

You can watch it online (I finally took our TV out to the curb last weekend). I have been a long time fan of Jamie Oliver - ever since his Naked Chef days. But I really started to believe in what he was doing - not only as a great chef but as someone who cares about changing the way people eat and, therefore, live - when he revamped England's school lunch program.

It's a movement I whole-heartedly believe in. Obesity is taking over America. This generation is going to have a shorter life span than their parents if we don't change things soon. So, I recommend this show to everyone - especially those who have kids (I read a blog where a parent got his kids out of bed at night to watch the show with him because he thought it was so important for them to see it).

my short story

2010-03-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

is here today.

the difference a few letters can make

2010-03-04T09:09:00.004-05:00

so when i went in for my surgery, they had accidentally ordered a laparoscopy and a hysterectomy instead of a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy.

that's a pretty big difference. the complete opposite of what i wanted, actually. glad they caught it.

surgery was hard. i'm not gonna lie. yesterday i ended up in the emergency room (doctor's orders because i had a high white blood cell count), but all is well. the pain (and vomiting) was horrible the first couple of days. today is much better. it was so nice to have my parents and dandle to take care of me.

my doctor said i had the worst adhesions he has ever seen. the surgery took almost 3 hrs. instead of 1 hr. as they had expected. he also said i had one of the biggest, most bloated fallopian tubes he has ever seen. he said it was the size of a sausage. usually they are as big around as a piece of spaghetti. they took it out. i'm glad it's gone.

today i got an email from this journal, saying that they're going to publish a story i submitted months and months ago about fallopian tubes. oddly, in the story i compared fallopian tubes to a couple of sausages. little did i know...

anyway, thanks for all those who are bringing us dinners and for all your well-wishes. i ate my first real meal in three days last night and it was delicious.

2010-02-02T19:20:00.002-05:00

one of my favorite writers of all time died last week. it makes me sad. franny & zooey, catcher in the rye, nine stories, raise high the roof beam? i love them.

he hasn't published anything in decades and has been living a pretty secluded life during those same decades. i have a secret wish that they will find that he has been producing all these brilliant things during that time and that they will be discovered and that i will get to read them.

farewell, mr. salinger.

in other news, i found out yesterday that i was accepted to the millay colony. i'll spend the whole month of june on edna st. vincent millay's property in austerlitz, new york writing, eating wild blueberries and having my meals cooked for me by a local organic chef. i'm pretty excited.

news about my mormon women writers literary tour in march forthcoming...

my doppelganger

2010-02-01T19:06:00.004-05:00

i have now been told several times, by several different people that i look like amy poehler. i think it's just because of the blond hair and blue eyes.

what do you think?

little galaxies

2010-01-03T12:06:00.004-05:00

i'm really falling for these earrings, made from recycled materials in my beloved asheville. dan, maybe for my birthday?

the skipper

2010-01-02T09:04:00.005-05:00

dan has gone through many, many nicknames since we've been together. here are just a few:

danma (because sometimes when his hair grows out, the back of his hair looks like a grandma's)
danorexic
dandy
dandle
danel
the finisher (because if you have some food you just can't finish, he'll take care of it!)
danelskiver (given to him this summer when we ate abelskiver in solvang), eventually shortened to just "skiver"

and now, i introduce to you the skipper!

we went for a walk on the beach in south boston yesterday (pleasure bay!). turns out my little danelskiver is very good at skipping stones.

(this action shot almost earned him a new nickname)

trust me: in person it was very graceful and adorable.

the cake that amelia made

2010-01-01T13:56:00.001-05:00

was delicious.

one resolution

2010-01-01T13:47:00.003-05:00

after hearing last night how many books my friends are reading (along with seeing my writing friend's facebook status say that he had read three *real* chapter books yesterday!), i felt lame. and, therefore, i have set a goal of reading 100 books in 2010 (a very modest goal compared to some).

i'm starting here.

what i'm reading today

2009-12-28T16:39:00.002-05:00

what i'm listening to today

2009-12-28T16:29:00.001-05:00

Laura Gibson - "Shadows On Parade" from HUSH Records on Vimeo.

laura gibson, beasts of seasons

putting all our eggs in one basket.

2009-12-09T16:03:00.003-05:00

well, it didn't work this time, but we're doing okay. thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts. they are felt and appreciated. we're at peace with how things are turning out. as you can tell from the title, we've been trying to make jokes during this whole process...there have been plenty of jokes about putting all our eggs in one basket, scrambled eggs, etc. then, after we heard the bad news today, dan said, "we'll have plenty of shots in the future," and i was like, "ugh, no more shots!"

anyway, we're well and we love you all.

xx

birds of my neighborhood

2009-11-19T18:51:00.002-05:00

after a couple of years of infertility, we are trying in vitro fertilization this week. i'm nervous and hopeful at the same time. if you pray, meditate, whatever, please remember us...

p.s. i will never get sick of this voice.

loving this website...

2009-10-31T15:35:00.003-04:00

...that Bonnie told me about.

buywithme.com

I recently got $75 worth of dry cleaning at Zoots for $25, $20 worth of food at Veggie Planet for $10, and a haircut/conditioning treatment worth $75 for $35 (which I haven't used yet).

and, on an unrelated note, I decided on the birdcage.

2009-10-28T06:44:00.002-04:00

the first installment of my brother's show is finally out on dvd! i'm buying mine today. i'm most excited to see thurop in the special features.

you can buy it at amazon for only $10 (and my mom said it's also at target).

jewelry debacle

2009-10-17T13:14:00.002-04:00

so, the other day, inspired by my crafty friend bonnie, i tried my hand at a homemade necklace/earring organizer thing-a-ma-jig. mine turned out pretty ugly. especially when i put my jewelry on it.

so, i decided i'm just going to buy one.

either this one (sorry it's hard to see - but it's a birdcage and it has lots of hooks for necklaces and bars for hanging earrings):
or this one (also available in white):

any votes?

mrs. horrible

2009-08-01T13:23:00.002-04:00

i've been a horrible blogger this summer.

i was going to post about graduation, post graduation. but the truth is, i miss school and don't like to think about it being over. maybe later today or tomorrow i will post some photographs. it was great to have my parents and mr. dan there. weird for those two worlds to meet, but good.

so, i have a challenge for everyone. i need to put together the best road trip playlist ever. we're talking salt lake city to boston. what songs do you think MUST be on there? leave a comment, por favor.

oh, and one last thing. an amazing children's book is coming out today. it's even featured on publisher's weekly.

xoxo,
lvh

elsewhere

2009-06-15T17:32:00.000-04:00

I'm over at Your Heart Out today...

a few things i love about being back in utah

2009-06-11T13:18:00.002-04:00

1. doing laundry at home. really, this is such a luxury. in boston, i have to watch our laundry constantly at the laundromat because this homeless guy always comes in and opens all the machines and pulls things out. the other day, he told dan and me he wanted to show us something. we followed him outside and he took us to the other side of the building and showed us his shopping cart and there was a HUGE possum in there. random. ooh, one more story about this guy. the day before we left boston, we put a bunch of giveaway stuff on the curb (people do this all the time there). the same guy came by with his shopping cart. there was an unopened box of toothpaste and some other great items in there, but did he take those? no. he bipassed all the good items and went for an old pair of black high heels. random.

2. being able to hang out with some of my nieces and nephews. they are adorable and always fun. also hanging out with my sister, parents, and in-laws.

3. sunday dinners. usually, we've run out of good things to eat by sunday and we end up eating random things all day. also, my mom makes really good rolls.

4. mountains. hiking. outdoor adventures.

5. watching food network.

rose and the bald-headed elephant

2009-06-08T18:00:00.003-04:00

this book was written and illustrated by my friend wooley cottswold and will be out this august. i can't wait.

you can pre-order it here.

wooley is not only extremely talented, but he's also one of the nicest, most authentic and fun people i know. i know the book will be AMAZING.

My favorite album of 2008

2009-05-26T08:47:00.004-04:00

I know it's a little late, but I love this album so much and hope you will, too. I'm sad because he just came to Massachusetts and played on the cape but I couldn't find a ride. And now I'm double sad because he's coming to Salt Lake City in July and I'll be in North Carolina. So, someone needs to go and then tell me all about it, okay?

Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago

He wrote the entire album in a cabin in the woods of Wisconsin. I love that.

Listen to "Skinny Love" here.

to-read

2009-05-23T08:07:00.004-04:00

My very talented, very funny friend Billy has his second book - a novel - coming out in June: How to Hold a Woman.

You can pre-order it here. I can't wait to read it.

"An emotionally powerful book; it is organic, surprising, and edgy in a way that will appeal to male readers as well as female readers. It has the potential to be groundbreaking in its raw, honest portrayal of a just-barely-functioning family. Billy Lombardo is interested in the beauty of words. He is also a great observer of the world around him, and he is exquisite and precise in getting that world onto the page."

DONE (almost)

2009-05-22T14:19:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday, I turned in my very last packet for school. My thesis is finished and I'll be sending it off in a couple of days. It's a novel in stories called "Irreversible Things." I still need to do a little prep for the class I'm teaching in July, read the thesis manuscripts from the committees I'm on and do some other prep for residency, but the majority of the work is finito.

I can't believe I will have a Master of Fine Arts degree in July. I get to go down to N. Carolina a couple of days early to hang out with some of my favorite Warren-Wilson girls (spending a relaxing day at the spa!) and then after graduation I'll sightsee with my parents for a couple of days (D. only gets to spend a day with us because of his internship). Warren-Wilson graduations are awesome. There are no caps or gowns or boring speeches. All the graduating students read from their work and then, along with the diploma, we receive a hand-carved walking stick from the Black Mountains, adorned with fresh flowers. After that, there's a reception, live music and a fancy dinner for all and then a SWEATHEART BALL (misspelling intended). I will dance my heart out.

I'm feeling happy and excited (school is great, but the stress associated with it is blah), but I'm also feeling a little melancholy. I love my program. It is so unique and so amazing. Thinking about it being over is making me feel a little sentimental.

some thoughts on mother's day

2009-05-09T18:59:00.003-04:00

mother's day can be a tough day for some: those who have difficult relationships with their mothers, those who have lost a child or are suffering through infertility, those who have always wanted to have a baby but for one reason or another it has never happened for them.

so, tomorrow i will celebrate not just mothers (and i do feel lucky to have such a great one), but all the important women in my life. i have, and have had, so many amazing women in my life - they are all different and do different things. some are teachers, some are mothers, some are writers, some are single, some are married, some are gay, some are straight, some are sick, some are healthy, some are democrats, some are republicans, some are alive and some have passed on.

i say to all of you - happy women's day!

this...

2009-04-25T15:12:00.003-04:00

...has been one of the best days ever and it's only 3:00!

For starters, it's over 80 degrees today. I have tons of schoolwork to do today, but I COULD NOT stand the thought of spending such a beautiful day indoors. So, Dan and I decided to FINALLY bike the Minuteman Trail which goes from Cambridge (through Arlington and Lexington) to Bedford. It was such a beautiful day and there are few things I love more than biking.

As if that wasn't enough, we then went to get ice cream at my favorite Homemade Ice Cream shop in Inman Square - Christina's.

In all, I think we biked about 25 miles today.

I also found this great quote by H.G. Wells, which pretty much sums things up:
"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race."

this is how i'm going to think about myself today:

2009-04-25T07:46:00.003-04:00

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set [her] free.” Michelangelo

2009-04-09T12:30:00.005-04:00

I had very high hopes for season 2 of Flight of the Conchords. I thought it was destined to disappoint.

Guess what? It hasn't.

This, for example:

reminded me of how hilariously weird this is:

calling all utahns!

2009-03-23T13:45:00.002-04:00

I need a summer job. In Utah. Preferably writing/editing. Preferably paying more than $10/hour.

Any ideas?

Giveaway 2009!

2009-03-06T22:35:00.004-05:00

It's giveaway time, ya'll!

The first FIVE people to post a comment on here will get a surprise in the mail from me (possibly handmade). No strings attached. Out-of-staters welcome.

Let the games begin! (And, if you want, you could also pass it forward on your own blogs...)

xoxo,
Lisa Lou

Bento Boxes

2009-03-06T22:20:00.004-05:00

I'm loving these and am thinking about saving up for one. Which color do you like best?

easy sticky buns

2009-03-05T08:24:00.005-05:00

Paul & Jackie gave me this cookbook for Christmas. I've been making a lot of recipes from it lately. Baking is the one thing I always turn to when I'm trying to get out of other things I don't want to do so much (like cleaning or homework, for example).

I made this recipe on Sunday. I burned them a little, but they were still good, I think.

Easy Sticky Buns
recipe from Barefoot Contessa Back to Basics

12 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/3 cup light brown sugar, lightly packed
1/2 cup pecans, chopped in very large pieces
1 package (17.3 ounce/2 sheets) frozen puff pastry, defrosted

for the filling:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2/3 cup light brown sugar, lightly packed
3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 cup raisins

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Place a 12-cup standard muffin tin on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the 12 tablespoons butter and 1/3 cup brown sugar. Place 1 rounded tablespoon of the mixture in each of the 12 muffin cups. Distribute the pecans evenly among the 12 muffin cups on top of the butter and sugar mixture.

Lightly flou a wooden board or stone surface. Unfold one sheet of puff pastry with the folds going left to right. Brush the whole sheet with half of the melted butter. Leaving a 1-inch border on the puff pastry, sprinkle each sheet with 1/3 cup of the raisins. Starting with the end nearest you, roll the pastry up snugly like a jelly roll around the filling, finishing the roll with the seam side down. Trim the ends of the roll about 1/2 inch and discard. Slice the roll in 6 equal pieces, each about 1 1/2 inches wide. Place each piece, spiral side up, in 6 of the muffin cups. Repeat with the second sheet of puff pastry to make 12 sticky buns.

Bake for 30 minutes, until the sticky buns are golden to dark brown on top and firm to the touch. Allow to cool for 5 minutes only, invert the buns onto the parchment paper (ease the filling and pecans out onto the buns with a spoon), and cool completely.

goodbye, my fairweather friend

2009-02-26T12:05:00.007-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, i said goodbye to this:

(in large part, because I also said goodbye to this and this).

I was a little sad about it at first, but I'm over it now. Because now I have a new addiction:

And I haven't looked back since.

my favorite pen

2009-02-12T13:06:00.003-05:00

holy urbanism

2009-02-10T14:57:00.003-05:00

Check out the very first page of Monu Magazine:

"A Mormon Megaproject" written by my brilliant husband, Daniel.

He also took all the photos, except the second one, which was taken by our friend Niels.

You can buy a copy on their website.

a beautiful paragraph

2009-01-30T17:00:00.001-05:00

by Grace Paley: "He had a habit thoughout the twenty-seven years of making a narrow remark which, like a plumber's snake, could work its way through the ear down the throat, halfway to my heart. He would then disappear, leaving me choking with equipment. What I mean is, I sat down on the library steps and he went away." (from "Wants")

I love how she can say so much in such a small amount of space. I love the phrase "choking with equipment." Beautiful.

further thoughts on thirty

2009-01-28T20:31:00.002-05:00

I'm reading David Shields' book, "The thing about life is that one day you'll be dead."

It's a wonderful book, but it's full of facts about how our bodies age and it is not doing good things for my new thirty-year-old self.

First, a quote by Emerson: "After thirty, a man wakes up sad every morning, excepting perhaps five or six, until the day of his death." Just reading that makes me sad.

Here's just one of several fun facts from the book: "Starting at thirty [...] you lose one-sixteenth of an inch in height per year; your posture changes because your vertebrae shrink while your hips and knees bend closer to the ground and your foot arch flattens."

If my calculations are correct, I will be 5' by the time I'm 46, 4'11 by the time I'm 62, 4'10 by the time I'm 78 and a legal dwarf (4'9) by the time I'm 94.

But the upside is that creativity peaks in your thirties. I'll take creativity over height any day.

flapjack shirts at hot topic!

2009-01-27T15:27:00.002-05:00

Get yours here.

30 Rocks

2009-01-26T10:05:00.012-05:00

The festivities began on Friday when my dear, beautiful school girls picked me up and took me to a delicious Brazilian restaurant called "Muqueca." The food was amazing. We got a couple of fish dishes and, of course, feijoada. They also had a lot of juice drinks that I haven't had since I was in Brazil, including cupuacu, my very favorite.

We then went back to Mary's house and they spoiled me with Mary-made chocolate ganache birthday cupcakes, my favorite chocolates, adorable earrings and tulips. The best part, though, was just being able to hang out with these girls. See here for more about how I feel about them. I feel so lucky to have met them.

On Saturday, we went to O'Sullivan's with our friends Laci & Christian. They just had a baby and this was Berkeley's first trip out (other than to the doctor). They gave me Chicken in a Biskit, Easy Cheese, and a country CD because they want me to get in touch with my ghetto side. Thanks, guys. I listened to the CD. I couldn't stomach some of the songs, but the old-time country I can do (Johnny Cash, Arlo Guthrie, etc.). I love Laci & Christian and now little Berkeley. They are so much fun! And who knows? Maybe by my fortieth Laci will have converted me to Demolition Derbies and Keith Urban. Although I certainly wouldn't count on it.

On Saturday, Dan and I went to the mall to go shoe shopping and then were going to meet our friends Max & Elizabeth for a movie downtown. When we were about to hop on the train, Dan said he had to poo really bad and that he was going to poo his pants. Our friends Kate & Logan live close to the train station, so we ran over there so Dan could use their bathroom. Their stairwell smelled like chocolate cake and all I could think was, "Oh great, Kate & Logan are having a dinner party and Dan's going to ruin it by breaking in and stinking up their bathroom." And then, when I walked in, everyone yelled "SURPRISE" and I was really, truly, genuinely surprised. It took me a minute to realize that Dan wasn't really going to poo his pants.

The party was a blast. We have such amazing friends here. They are funny, smart, attractive, kind and I absolutely love spending time with them.

Kate, baker extraordinaire, made a vegan chocolate cake that could beat out an egg & butter cake any day.

Leslie & Rich made me a ninja mask

I really love my face in this photo for obvious reasons.

The gang, minus Adam & Marci and Shaylyn & James, who left before we took the picture.

Today (actual birthday) will be pretty chill. Shoe shopping (for real) and tonight some hanging out with dear friends.

Dear Sir/Madam: please hang up

2009-01-22T11:28:00.003-05:00

I get at least one of these per day at my place of employment:
Person comes through my line talking on their cell phone. They do not say "hello," they do not acknowledge me in any way. I ring up their stuff. I don't ask if they want paper or plastic. I choose because that's what they get for choosing to engage in a conversation with someone else.

And here is the real clincher:
They hang up after I have bagged all their things and then say, "I'm so sorry. That was so rude of me."

I'm not sure which is worse: the person who talks on their cell phone obliviously or the person who talks on their cell phone, realizes how incredibly rude it is, and then does it anyway.

You tell me.

two new cds

2009-01-01T16:00:00.002-05:00

Dan gave me two new CDs for our anniversary 3 days ago. He's nice.

Thirteens by Leona Naess
Carry the Weight by Denison Witmer

Give 'em a listen. Almost all my new favorite music comes from our friend Hartman who has almost the exact same taste in music (and books) as me. Thanks, Hartman!

I wish I could have been in SLC for Denison Witmer's show a couple of months ago. Apparently, it was amazing. He played in an old church and then, after the show, jumped behind the table and sold his own CDs. I like that. A lot.

how i spent the new year

2009-01-01T09:29:00.003-05:00

Dan and I spent New Year's at baggage claim with the Brown Women's Basketball Team. GO BEARS!

I was feeling pretty good about being back in Boston until the train tossed us out onto the street where it was (and is currently) 8 freaking degrees (-12 with windchill). But on a more positive note, we have an adorable kid waiting to meet us here. Berkeley Gentry was born yesterday just in time to give his parents the gift of a tax deduction for 2008. Can't wait to meet him.

It was fun to be with family and friends for Christmas. Now it's off to North Carolina on Saturday. Can't wait to see all my WW friends. I can't believe it's been a year since I saw some of them last. I love school so much and there is not even one bit of sarcasm in that statement. I really do.

i married and am very glad i did

2008-12-13T17:28:00.002-05:00

Anton Chekhov once wrote in a letter to a friend: "I married and am very glad I did.... My lifehas changed for the better."

I echo that sentiment. Dan and I were married four years ago this month. They have been a good and adventuresome four years.

He is a great friend and love. I can't imagine spending the majority of my time with anyone else.

A couple of months before we met on our own, our mutual friend Annie tried to set us up. I remember her telling me on the phone that there was a guy who lived close to her that was really cool and she thought we'd be perfect for each other. For one reason or another, I wasn't interested at the time (I think I was dating someone else).

I'm so glad destiny gave us a second chance.

dan's ugly shirt

2008-11-26T16:27:00.003-05:00

Dan is wearing a shirt right now that I HATE.

It was free, obviously, as most of his shirts are. It is incredibly wide and incredibly short for its width. It's basically like a belly shirt for obese people.

The worst part? The front of it says, "GET THE PUCK OF CAMPUS" (advertising hockey games).

I hate that stupid shirt. It puts me in such a bad mood.

pumpkin's nine lives

2008-11-19T13:11:00.004-05:00

He has used up two of them now, and maybe more that he hasn't told me about.

I was afraid to post about him, first because I was afraid he was going to die and then because I wanted to make sure he would get well.

BUT, after three weeks of force feeding, vomiting and other drama, little Pumpkin seems to be making a comeback. He's laying next to me on the couch right now, purring. He's doing so much better. He's eating and drinking a little on his own and even meowing to go outside (which I won't let him do yet). He hasn't thrown up in about a week. He's gaining back a little of the weight he lost. He's still a little jaundiced, but he seems to be a little more pink these days.

He got a get well card from his doggy friend McDuff last week and that seemed to make all the difference. Thanks, McDuff! He also received a most appropriate book from his little kitty friend, Rusty, who happens to look like a junior version of him. The book is called Pumpkin Cat. It's about an orange cat who arrives on the doorstep one night. And the name of the girl who rescues him? LISA.

Thanks to everyone who put up with my crazy cat lady drama the last few weeks.

my second post about deodorant

2008-11-10T11:37:00.004-05:00

I just went to my local Rite Aid and took a stroll down the deodorant isle - you know, wanted to see if there are any new scents or exciting new products. I like to smell things, okay?

I was shocked to see that they have installed a contraption over all the deodorants. You have to lift a clear plastic flap to get your deodorant. When you lift the flap, an alarm goes off. The alarm does not stop until you replace the flap.

What in the world is this? Have people been stealing deodorant that much that locking it up is really necessary? I thought they only locked up expensive or dangerous stuff, but Teen Spirit for $1.99? I don't think I can think of anything more desperate than stealing DEODORANT. Or do they want to embarrass people like me so we won't sit there and sniff a bunch of deodorants? How are we supposed to comparison shop?

I find this to be very alarming (pun intended). Have any of you seen such a contraption at your local pharmacy or is this a sign that I live in the ghetto?

I grabbed one deodorant, but didn't even have the guts to smell it. I feel like society has reached a new low. I imagine someday reminiscing to my grandchildren about the good ol' days and saying, "I remember when we could smell all the deodorants we wanted! You could just take one right off the shelf and smell it! Those were the days!" and then they will look at me with awe.

five days later...

2008-11-09T09:20:00.003-05:00

and I still get the chills every time I think about Obama as president-elect of the United States. I have tears in my eyes right now. I feel so hopeful, so proud to be an American. I have renewed faith in democracy and good.

You can watch his acceptance speech here:

http://elections.nytimes.com/2008/results/president/speeches/obama-victory-speech.html

"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers -- in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people."

"This is our moment. This is our time -- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth -- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can."

best & worst of boston this week

2008-11-01T18:02:00.005-04:00

Worst of Boston:

1. We found out last Saturday that Pumpkin (our cat) has liver disease. We have to force-fed him four times a day, give him an IV of liquids once a day and give him medicine several times a day (which he always throws up). We have some hard decisions to make about our favorite cat in the world and it makes me sad to think about maybe having to say goodbye to him. Pumpkin showed up on my doorstep almost exactly six years ago and he has been such a good friend and companion. We've been through a lot together.
2. Crying at work because of Pumpkin.
3. Not being able to get everything I need to get done because of Pumpkin.

Best of Boston:

1. Discovering the Nutella Frozen Hot Chocolate at Paris Creperie. It is amazing and seriously cheered me up on Monday.
2. Hanging out with good friends this week: Outstitute, Garment District with Elizabeth and Eunice, Costco and other adventures with Laci today and in a few minutes we will be going to a Halloween Party hosted by Kate and Bonnie.
3. I got a story published.
4. My amazing husband cleaned the bathroom and mopped the floors this morning. He is also a champion at injecting Pumpkin.

farmer in chief

2008-10-26T12:31:00.003-04:00

I heard about this open letter on Fresh Air this week. In this nine-page letter (read it!), Michael Pollan (author of In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma) calls for a new food agenda to replace the broken one in place right now that is eating up fossil fuels. Pollan says, "There are many moving parts to the new food agenda I’m urging you to adopt, but the core idea could not be simpler: we need to wean the American food system off its heavy 20th-century diet of fossil fuel and put it back on a diet of contemporary sunshine."

Changing our nations food policy is not just something for the liberal agenda. Pollan says, "Writing of the movement back to local food economies, traditional foods (and family meals) and more sustainable farming, The American Conservative magazine editorialized last summer that 'this is a conservative cause if ever there was one.'"

Pollan ends the article talking about how he would like to see that big lawn in front of the White House turned into a garden, "...as deeply as Americans feel about their lawns, the agrarian ideal runs deeper still, and making this particular plot of American land productive, especially if the First Family gets out there and pulls weeds now and again, will provide an image even more stirring than that of a pretty lawn: the image of stewardship of the land, of self-reliance and of making the most of local sunlight to feed one’s family and community."

The more I research how our country produces food, the more it feels disgusting and unwholesome to me. It feels so wrong to take animals off of farms and put them on feed lots. It feels wrong to rely on pesticides instead of crop rotation. It feels wrong to catch fish in Alaska and then ship them to China to be filleted and then ship them back to the U.S. to be distributed. It feels wrong to use up fossil fuels to produce our food when we really don't need to. The death of the family farm and the switch from agriculture to agribusiness makes me sad. Whatever happened to sunshine and tilling the earth and eating dinner around the kitchen table? What happened to preparing meals with fresh ingredients instead of buying frozen faux-foods with a million unrecognizable ingredients on the label?

I believe in dinner around the table. I believe in food bringing people together. I believe in family farms and animals being let out of their cages to graze on what they're meant to graze on (how did feeding corn to cows ever seem like a good idea?). I believe in spending a little more money for humane, local food. I believe in gardens. I believe in the transformative power of a good meal.

al gore and a new library card

2008-10-23T18:42:00.005-04:00

Dan & I saw Al Gore speak at Harvard on Wednesday as part of the Harvard Sustainability Celebration. Harvard just launched a new greenhouse gas reduction plan. Here's an article about it. Al is a Harvard alumnus - apparently some of his grades weren't too stellar, though.

I liked when he quoted this African proverb: “If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” And then he said, "We need to go far, quickly." I also like how he ended his speech: “With American leadership, we can galvanize the global commitment to solve the climate crisis. We have everything we need with the possible exception of political will. But political will is a renewable resource.”

His speech was inspiring. I only wish things had gone very differently eight years ago.

And also, I got a free t-shirt that says, "Green is the new Crimson" and a Sigg water bottle that says the same. Gotta love free stuff (or stuff that's disguised as free, anyway - I'm sure Dan's tuition paid for a large chunk of it). They were also serving delicious apple crisp, soup, hot chocolate and apples - all served on biodegradable plates with biodegradable utensils.

The other exciting thing that happened on Wednesday is that I got my very own Harvard library card for $5. I was supposed to get a "special borrower" card for spouses of students. I think they messed up, though, because they put "research assistant" on mine. It makes me feel kind of fancy. Hurray for libraries!

three women

2008-10-20T19:13:00.006-04:00

I took my first Creative Writing class in eighth grade. The teacher was Ms. Edvalson, a thin thirty-something woman with short hair and a long rat tail. As a fourteen-year-old, I loved words. I must have read at least two books a week. In that class, I began to feel the thrill of putting words together in beautiful ways. I remember Ms. Edvalson calling me out into the hallway one day with one of my stories in her hand and saying, "Lisa, this is really good." I remember her reading my stories aloud to the class and, even though I was incredibly shy and embarassed, how good it felt. Ms. Edvalson made me want to write more stories and after the class was over, I took more and more English classes and creative writing classes. Ms. Edvalson remarried, I think, and eventually left Butler Middle School. I wish I could find her and tell her how much her encouragement meant to me. I'd like to tell her that I'm doing a Master's degree in writing and that I love it.

In college, I had another teacher who I owe so much to: Melanie Rae Thon. Melanie is one of the gentlest, wisest people I've ever met. Read her: she's wonderful. She made me feel like she loved my writing. She encouraged me to apply to graduate programs. I had so many reasons to not believe in myself, but even though I didn't always believe in my own writing (and still sometimes don't), I knew that she did and that was enough.

I tell you these stories because I really don't think I'd be writing and in a Master's program if it weren't for the encouragement of these two women and my mother. My mother loves words, like me. I don't really remember many of the toys I had growing up, but I remember the books. She read to us all the time and made up stories about little people who lived inside sand dollars. At night she had us squint our eyes closed and pretend we were on a big magic carpet that took us on adventures all over the world.

So, I dedicate this post to all the good teachers in my life (but not the bad ones, okay?). I hope that someday I can give someone else the gift you gave me.

school friends

2008-10-14T15:38:00.003-04:00

Last night I got to hang out with Jen, Mary and Lenore - my dear friends from Warren-Wilson who just happen to live really close to me. I love these girls. They are smart, beautiful, funny and oh-so kind. When we get together, we talk about writing and life and the writing life for hours and hours without stopping.

We also had a little celebrating to do last night because Lenore recently found out that she was selected as one of the 100 distinguished voices in this year's Best American Short Stories, edited by Salman Rushdie. Her name was right there on the list along with Alice Munro, Antonya Nelson and many other amazing, amazing writers.

two funny things

2008-09-24T13:34:00.005-04:00

1. When we were laying in bed this morning, we all of a sudden heard a clicking sound. We were lazy and didn't want to get up, but the sound persisted. Dan finally got out of bed and went into the other room. Then he yelled up at me (because our bed is a loft bed), "Honey, you can't leave your computer open! Kitty is typing hebrew on it." Turns out Pumpkin was laying on the laptop and had somehow opened up the Hebrew language application on Word and was typing away. There's a catch though. I didn't leave my computer open. It was Dan's. This brings me to story number 2, which happened less than thirty minutes later.

2. Dan asked, "Honey, did you happen to throw some dirty clothes into the hamper? There are some dirty clothes in here." Seems normal, but we did laundry on Saturday and still haven't put the clean clothes away. They've been folded up in our hamper and the dirty clothes have been gathering next to it on the floor. Anyway, I said, "I don't think so. Were they my clothes?" to which he smiled sheepishly and said, "Well, no. They're mine. I just thought maybe you put them in there."

Wrongfully accused twice! But I kind of like being wrongfully accused because when I'm exculpated, I think I come off looking a little better...

(Dan's looking curiously over my shoulder as I write this).

washing the dishes to wash the dishes

2008-09-22T20:37:00.003-04:00

Sometimes when I have a sink full of dishes, like I do right now, I think about a book I once read while I was a student at the University of Utah called "The Miracle of Mindfulness." It was written by a buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hahn.

He said, "While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a wondrous reality. I'm being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There's no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves."

Okay, okay, I'm ready to wash the dishes now.

roller disco

2008-09-21T21:57:00.001-04:00

This video really makes me miss Saturday night disco skating at Classic. Those were the days.

why i love my job

2008-09-20T12:37:00.006-04:00

One of the best things about my job is that I encounter a lot of crazy people. There's the guy who answers "mediocre" every time you ask how he's doing, the guy we've labeled "walkie-talkie" because he's crazy and talks to himself and to cover it up he pretends to be talking on a cell phone (our suspicions were confirmed when we saw him drop his cell phone one time and he just kept on talking while he bent over to pick it up), the lady who smells like poo and the lady with the mustache and all the Russian ladies who for some reason always think I'm Russian and just start speaking to me in Russian (the only Russian I can say back to them is das vidanya (thanks, Alicen) which means goodbye or go away or something).

So the other day this lady comes through my line with a sandwich and says to me in heavily accented English, "If theese is not kosher I will throw up." I ring up the sandwich and hand it back to her. She then proceeds to unwrap it and sniff every inch of it, right up next to her nose. The sniffing lasts about a minute. Finally, she takes a bite, says, "good" and walks off. Maybe you had to be there, but honestly, it is little moments like this that make me so happy I work at a grocery store.

laissez-faire writing

2008-09-12T16:09:00.007-04:00

I just got this beautiful book in the mail.

It's full of "writing fixations" from various authors, five of whom I've had the great fortune of working with: Michael Martone, Melanie Rae Thon, David Haynes, Karen Brennan and Robin Hemley. It also has great illustrations.

Karen Brennan's excerpt really reminded me of the way I do things as a writer, for better or worse:

"I don't know if I'm a rule o' thumb kind of gal. I'm not that OCD. I don't arrange the pens on my desk in a pattern, nor do I have the need to wear a special bathrobe before embarking on the creative journey in front of my computer. And when it comes to the work itself, I am a little laissez-faire: You write, it either sucks or thrills you, you can either work on it or not. I take a lot of naps.

Nevertheless, I have managed to plumb my shallows for a rule o' thumb, which is this: Write for pleasure, your own. When it (the work, the page, the words) stops delivering - when the muscles go slack at the jaw, when the eyes wander to the window of dull sky, when the mouth craves chocolate - put it aside. And if, when you return, the whole enterprise seems like just too much drudgery and pain, that's all the sign I need to abandon the thing and move on to something more nourishing, like a trip to the mall.

This is, of course, counter to everything I've been taught about success and Americanism. It is the lazy girl way - it reveals my poor character. And also, p.s., it doesn't work at the gym."

here comes the catman

2008-09-11T16:40:00.003-04:00

I'm going to brag for a minute about my brother Jonny. He pitched his show (Here Comes the Catman) to Cartoon Network yesterday and they loved it. They're having him make a pilot.

When Thurop was leaving work yesterday, the head of the studio ran out of a meeting and onto the street to tell him how amazing Jonny's show was and asked if there are any other Van Ormans that want to pitch a show. I guess I better brush up on my art skills...

Congratulations, Jonny!

(Oh, and rumor has it that the characters say "guysies" and "woowie". Gotta love the Ellen Van Ormanisms.)

how i spent the afternoon...

2008-09-03T17:35:00.003-04:00

i made these dark chocolate cupcakes. thanks to kate for the recipe.

so today i was talking to my coworker, kevin, and he told me he went out to dinner last night and it reminded him of me. when i asked why he thought of me, he said, "you know, eating food - i just thought of you." i really love that people think of me when they think about eating food.

my new addiction

2008-08-31T12:19:00.003-04:00

blood orange sorbet. it is so good.

and the winner is...

2008-08-30T09:26:00.003-04:00

Mom (a.k.a. littleoldgrammy)!

Mom, I'm going to throw a couple more magazines into the mix just for you: Better Homes & Gardens, Country Home, Ladies Home Journal, Traditional Home, Conde Nast Traveler, O(prah) at Home, House Beautiful or Country Living. Just let me know which one and I'll cash in my points for you.

Aunt Sue, Aimee and Jenny - thanks for playing. I'm sure there will be more giveaways in the future!